The sixteenth of April.
April sixteenth.
It is another one of those dates that will be always imprinted firmly on my mind, like 9/11, for the disaster that occurred.
I will always remember where I was when I first heard the news, those first few moments when I sat in shock, the hour for which my heart continued to pound. Shooting today, Virginia Tech, 33 dead including gunman. Began Ambler Johnston (a dormitory); ended two hours later in Norris Hall (an engineering building where I had a few classes years ago). In my study of psychology at VT, I learned that this is called a flashbulb memory. As I sat in my Introduction to Psychology class at Virginia Tech, approximately one year after my flashbulb memory of learning about 9/11, I had no idea that I was to have another such intense memory to associate with the campus.
I have a sense that everything has just changed about this place, Virginia Tech, and its host, the town of Blacksburg, which for me holds such happiness, so many fond memories. Now VT, instead of a school known for its strong academics, innovative research, beautiful countryside, winning football team, or the place of charming Blacksburg; becomes a place remembered for an act of sizable violence, the largest school shooting in U.S. history.
I absolutely hate this! I hate the shooter for violating such a wonderful place in this way. I hate him for stealing the lives of such young and surely promising individuals. Yesterday morning they were, no doubt, filled with dreams of graduation, summer internships, vacations, a future wide-open with possibility. Who is this guy to take such vitality from the world?!
I know its selfish but its difficult for me to be here (in Italy), physically so far away from those who share this loss with me. Visions of my days in Blacksburg, so full of growth, fun, new experiences flit across my mind and I feel in this moment as though my heart has temporarily left my body and gone back to cling to this second home of mine. If its possible to somehow send energy, or prayers, or strength, or good wishes, all of mine have gone to Blacksburg now.
As of last night, I went to bed not yet knowing who the victims were, which filled me with a weighty dread. I feel personally fortunate that none of the victims were friends of mine, even though I know that the magnitude of the tragedy is not decreased. The size of the suffering in total is the same, even if my piece has been made slightly smaller by this knowledge.
Even as I write about this changing everything, an indignant part of me insists that it doesn't have to. That maybe I don't have to let this in, let it change my memories and my sense of Blacksburg. Is it possible? Does the immediate past always have to color the more distant past? As of today, I have become apart of Blacksburg's history "before." Before April 16th, 2007.
April sixteenth.
It is another one of those dates that will be always imprinted firmly on my mind, like 9/11, for the disaster that occurred.
I will always remember where I was when I first heard the news, those first few moments when I sat in shock, the hour for which my heart continued to pound. Shooting today, Virginia Tech, 33 dead including gunman. Began Ambler Johnston (a dormitory); ended two hours later in Norris Hall (an engineering building where I had a few classes years ago). In my study of psychology at VT, I learned that this is called a flashbulb memory. As I sat in my Introduction to Psychology class at Virginia Tech, approximately one year after my flashbulb memory of learning about 9/11, I had no idea that I was to have another such intense memory to associate with the campus.
I have a sense that everything has just changed about this place, Virginia Tech, and its host, the town of Blacksburg, which for me holds such happiness, so many fond memories. Now VT, instead of a school known for its strong academics, innovative research, beautiful countryside, winning football team, or the place of charming Blacksburg; becomes a place remembered for an act of sizable violence, the largest school shooting in U.S. history.
I absolutely hate this! I hate the shooter for violating such a wonderful place in this way. I hate him for stealing the lives of such young and surely promising individuals. Yesterday morning they were, no doubt, filled with dreams of graduation, summer internships, vacations, a future wide-open with possibility. Who is this guy to take such vitality from the world?!
I know its selfish but its difficult for me to be here (in Italy), physically so far away from those who share this loss with me. Visions of my days in Blacksburg, so full of growth, fun, new experiences flit across my mind and I feel in this moment as though my heart has temporarily left my body and gone back to cling to this second home of mine. If its possible to somehow send energy, or prayers, or strength, or good wishes, all of mine have gone to Blacksburg now.
As of last night, I went to bed not yet knowing who the victims were, which filled me with a weighty dread. I feel personally fortunate that none of the victims were friends of mine, even though I know that the magnitude of the tragedy is not decreased. The size of the suffering in total is the same, even if my piece has been made slightly smaller by this knowledge.
Even as I write about this changing everything, an indignant part of me insists that it doesn't have to. That maybe I don't have to let this in, let it change my memories and my sense of Blacksburg. Is it possible? Does the immediate past always have to color the more distant past? As of today, I have become apart of Blacksburg's history "before." Before April 16th, 2007.
posted by le poisson rouge at
8:07 AM
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